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Golf News
Headlines from the world of
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Odds & Ends
Golf at it's finest... or not. |
The Laws of Golf
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LAW 1: No matter how bad
your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on
the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the
course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
-
LAW 2: Your best round of
golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The
probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell
about the former.
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LAW 3: Brand new golf balls
are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known
fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to
water.
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LAW 4: Golf balls never
bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a
law of the universe and should be cut down.
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LAW 5: No matter what causes
a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You
looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
-
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's
handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
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LAW 7: Every par-three hole
in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the
hole, the greater its desire.
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LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is
the most painful torture known to man.
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LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf
balls.
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LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it
isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
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LAW 11: Golf carts always
run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
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LAW 12: A golfer hitting
into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise,
a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a
professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some
similar combination.
-
LAW 13: All 3-woods are
demon-possessed.
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LAW 14: Golf balls from the
same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or
into the water (see Law three)
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LAW 15: A severe slice is a
thing of awesome power and beauty.
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LAW 16: "Nice lag" can
usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can
usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
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LAW 17: The person you would
most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
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LAW 18: The last three holes
of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should
be.
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LAW 19: Golf should be given
up at least twice per month.
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LAW 20: All vows taken on a
golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
Ideas and Innovations
that shook the golf world from 1618 to 2004
|
1618 |
Featherie golf
ball. Longest recorded drive with one was 200 yards. |
|
1750 |
First recorded
use of forged metal heads. If you could lift them you could
hit them! |
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1826 |
Hickory Shafts
introduced. Where were the tree huggers then? |
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1848 |
Gutta Percha
ball. A 100 compression featherie. |
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1883 |
First Golf bag
appears. And no, it didn't have those folding legs! |
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Late 1800's |
Drop forging
invented. 100 years later, weekend golfers still can't hit
forged. |
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1899 |
First Rubber
ball introduced. First hit by John Daly's great–grandfather,
it went more than 400 yards! |
|
Early 1900's |
Wood
club-heads, hand-made by pros until 1910. Pretty but no R & D
behind them. |
|
1902 |
From smooth to
grooved club heads. Square grooves came later. |
|
1905 |
"Modern" ball
with wound construction introduced. Marked the beginning of
the modern dimple wars. |
|
1920 |
Persimmon takes
over as wood of choice for club heads. Nice to look at but
would be reduced to toothpicks by today's club-head speeds. |
|
1925 |
Steel shaft
introduced. Harder to break in a fit of temper. |
|
1931 |
First major
tournament won with steel shafts (US Open). This was before
the networks had 18 hole coverage. |
|
1934 |
Sand wedge
invented. Thanks Gene! |
|
1939 |
14 club rule
instituted. Some guys still don't get it. Remember little
Woosie at the Open? |
|
1962 |
First powered
golf car introduced. Three wheels and slooowww! |
|
1963 |
Casting methods
for irons commercially available. This is considered by many
to have signaled the beginning of the hacker revolution. |
|
1973 |
Graphite shafts
debuted. It took 20 years to figure them out. |
|
1980 |
Metal "woods"
hit the market in mass. Remember the Pittsburgh Persimmon? It
was the best thing to come along since the rubber cored ball. |
|
Early 1980's |
"Utility" clubs
make their mark. Remember the Ginty, or the Baffler? |
|
1991 |
Big Bertha
introduced. Compared to today's drivers, those heads look
like five woods! |
|
1994 |
1st long
putters came on the scene. Now you can anchor it on the chin,
chest or belly and it's legal. Caused inside the leather gimmes to
eventually be outlawed. |
|
1996 |
Edible tees
invented. 77 flavors came later. |
|
1997 |
First recorded
broken bone inflicted by a swing training device. Actually it
was a shoulder separation followed by a loud snap. |
|
2001 |
Golf
instructors finally admit that the simple "crotch hook" is the most
effective device in keeping the head down. It was never
commercially produced because they couldn't find anyone stupid enough
to test it. |
|
2003 |
The first 500
cc driver is introduced. Considered a "monster" by the
standards of the day, it was quickly banned from the tour and branded
a gimmick. |
|
2004 |
The Golf
Channel surpasses actual programming content with infomercials about
gimmicky golf equipment. Just when you thought golf had all
the gimmick clubs and training aids it needs! |
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